Broken Glass
by its-Rayning-men
Summary: A darker look into Valas life before she came to the SGC. Set in the same world as my other fics. Anyone looking for the new chapter wants chapter 5 not 6. i snuck it in there. sorry for any confusion.
1. Shards

AN: ok just a wee intro to the next fic. Takes place before First Time, about a month or so after Time, Space and Everything Inbetween.

Be warned this is going to take a pretty dark look at what Vala did before she came to the SGC. It's not going to be pretty.

As always let me know what you think. More up later today.

***

"I think I need to take a week long shower after being in that market place." Cam commented as SG1 made there way into the infirmary.

"Yeah, well, the smell matched the people. I don't think I've ever been around so many thieves and… woman of negotiable virtue." The disgust was clear in his voice.

All activity in the infirmary stopped and Cams reply died on his lips at the sound of Vala's hand connecting with Daniels face.

She looked at him with contempt and anger in her eyes "How dare you." she ground out, her voice low and dangerous. "How dare you even presume to know about those people, about why they do what they do. Don't ever presume that you're better than them Daniel, better than me."

She turned and marched out of the infirmary leaving silence in her wake.

When she was gone Cam let out a low whistle "Well… I didn't see that coming."


	2. Edges

AN: I'm warning you again this fic isn't for the kiddies. The plot bunnies that made me write this ate the fluffy ones… all of them.

Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own them; I'm just lumping on the emotional baggage for my own personal amusement.

***

Vala paced round her room like a caged animal, the anger at her self and the anger at Daniel feeding off each other. Every time she thought of the look of disgust on Daniels face her anger went up another notch, in response to that her anger at herself went up because she shouldn't let him under her skin like this. Each step she took produced a new word to describe Daniel in a new language.

She had gotten up to _pompous ass _in Raxacoricofallapatorian when there was a knock at the door.

"WHAT?" she yelled at the door.

Daniel appeared in the door way, using his own key card to open it, his face still sporting her hand print.

"What the hell happened back there?" Daniel was both bewildered and angry. He had no idea what had ticked Vala off so much. Since Vala had regained her Time Lord memories things had been going good between them, Daniel thought they had gotten past most of the issues that had coloured their relationship.

"Excuse me?" the indignation on her face was priceless "What _happened _was you and you're attitude towards everyone in the galaxy that doesn't comply with your little human morality code." She huffed out a breath "If the great Dr Daniel Jackson doesn't approve then it must be wrong."

"You can't honestly be sticking up for those people? Vala, they where thieves, mercenaries and…" He couldn't even bring himself to say the word that was on the tip of his tongue.

"Whores?" she supplied for him.

The look on his face told her exactly how he felt about that profession.

She scoffed "Did you never stop and think _why_ Daniel? Why these people do what they do? That maybe there's nothing else they can do?"

"There's plenty of people out there who get by just fine with out resorting to those depths" Daniel couldn't believe she was defending this way of life; he knew how much it had taken from her.

"And there are those who don't; those who have had everything else taken from them but refuse to give in. Get real Daniel! Where do you think the Lucian Alliance gets the land they grow Kassa on? What do you think happens to the people on the planets you 'liberated' from the Goa'uld? Do you really think that the Alliance got those lands on fair deals? That the people you set 'free' all go on and live happy lives? That's not how the real world works." She stared hard into his eyes, a fire ignited in them that Daniel couldn't remember seeing before.

"You can't excuse what those people are Vala! It doesn't matter why they do it. They simply take things from others, there no better than the Alliance or the Goa'uld! Thieves stealing ships, mercenaries taking lives, women selling themselves and for what? The Money? The reputation? The fun?" He spat the words at her, his own anger rising.

"To survive Daniel, to be free." Her voice had lost some of the anger, she now simply sounded tired like she was trying to explain something to a particularly slow child. "They may be stealing, or killing or even selling themselves but there doing what _they_ want. The Alliance came and took there lands, they said "Work for us." And they simply said no. You would be surprised how many of them have family some where, someone to send money back to. The Alliance and the Goa'uld and the Ori, they can take everything from them but they can't take that one last freedom." By the end of her speech something else had seeped into her voice that Daniel couldn't recognize.

"And what about the women, is this their choice too?" He was still too angry to listen to Vala's words properly, to see the emotion behind them, to hear what she was admitting.

"Some times there is no choice Daniel, when all you have is the clothes on your back… when it's a choice between starvation and _that_ it's an easier decision than you would think."

The tone of her voice finally registered with Daniel. When she had been angry with him it was easy to think she was simply defending the people they had seen today but now that the anger was gone he could tell she was admitting something to him through this argument. Something she would never be able to come straight out and say.

"You made that choice?" he asked, hoping he had misunderstood.

"Yes…" her voice only just above a whisper.

The look of pity that crossed Daniels face was enough to spark her earlier anger up to new heights.

"Don't look at me like that Daniel, one of the first things I ever told General Landry was that I did what I had to do to survive. I don't want your pity, I wont let you make me feel ashamed for surviving."

"You… you… I can't believe you would let someone use your body like that! Even you! With your flirty, sexy, use-my-body-to-get-anything-I-want attitude…"

She interrupted him "You think I liked it Daniel? You think after all those years of knowing what Qetesh did with my body I wanted to do it of my own free will?"

She crossed the gap between them in three steps, stopping right in front of him. He could feel her hot breath on his face, see her silver eyes dilated in anger and the way she trembled all over ever so slightly.

"I. Did. What. I. Had. To. Do." She hissed the words at him between clenched teeth. "Traded for money what some had stolen for free and I hated it but not once… not once did I ever feel ashamed of it"

He recognised the tone in her voice now that he hadn't been able to before. It was pride. In some twisted way Vala was proud, not of what she had done, but that she had done it.

"I had nothing Daniel, no home, no family, and no safe place to go back to when everything got too much. Believe me when you haven't eaten in 4 days and you can't sleep because you've no place to go and it isn't safe to sleep where you are… well I bet you would be willing to rethink your opinion."

Vala turned from him then, she was afraid of what she would see if she looked into his eyes. It was the first time she had noticed that Daniel had left the door open during their argument, and that the rest of SG1 where standing in the hall outside.

Suddenly the confines of the base seemed too much. She had to get out of there, so she ran. Not even stopping to wait in a lift she climbed up one of the emergency shafts, ignoring the calls of her team coming from down below her.

Her team except from Daniel.


	3. Cut

AN. Here's the next chapter with a wee visit from our dearest Time Lord. There might not be much more up until after the weekend, real life is getting in the way.

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Let me know what you think.

***

"_Traded for money what some had stolen for free."_

The words rang round in Vala's head. Over and over she could see herself saying them to Daniel, see that little spark in his eyes that said he had heard her but wouldn't understand until he had calmed down.

When she had climbed out of the shaft at the top of the mountain she had continued to run until her legs gave out beneath her. She briefly recalled flashing her badge at a guard on her way through the gate but it was a blur.

She knew they would come and find her, drag her back to the base and demand answers. She would have to look them all in the eye and she felt her stomach revolt at what she thought she would see there.

"Hello Boy." She hadn't heard the TARDIS materialise but she had felt the Doctors presence in her mind the second he had opened the door. "Where's Donna?"

"Home. Visiting her grandfather." He sat down beside her. Neither of them looked away from the view in front of them. Vala had ended up beside a small pond, trees surrounded it and a few birds sang out from them. The Doctor let out a long slow breath; he really wasn't good at this kind of thing. He was saved from having to say anything by Vala.

"How did you know to come and find me?" For the first time since he had arrived she looked at him.

"The TARDIS, she felt your pain."

"Why did I think this would be a good idea?" she sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Why did I think that none of it would matter now, or that he would understand?"

The Doctor shuffled around and pulled the sonic screwdriver from his pocket. He fiddled with the setting for a moment then ran it over Vala's arm. "That'll block the signal of your transmitter, for a while." She looked at him with a question in her eyes. "Thought you could do with some time to yourself."

They sat there for a while in comfortable silence, simply watching the world go by. When the wind picked up slightly some leaves blew past them, Vala stuck out her hand and caught one, she stared at it and slowly it began to change from red back to green as she manipulated time around it.

"I can still do it, if I concentrate, I guess the Chameleon Arch and the Meta-crises didn't work as well as I hoped." She gave him a sad smile as he reached out and did the same with some of the passing leaves. "I remember teaching you how to do that. You where such a curious child, into everything."

"That's not the only thing you taught me, you taught me to look into the time lines and find what I wanted to see." He chuckled "You where always better at it than me." She nodded at him to continue, she could tell where he was going with this. "I saw you, as a human. What you did, what you suffered through."

"Do you hate me?" Her voice was so small and afraid, so different from the confident woman he remembered.

"What? Hate you? Never. What you did, well wouldn't say you're up for sainthood any time soon but… you know what? A very wise _old_ woman once told me that the destination is sometimes more important than the journey."

She smiled and hit him on the shoulder. "Less of the old _boy_, and it's the other way about. Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination." She shook her head in amusement. "You never did listen to a thing anyone else said."

They sat and watched as the sun sunk beneath the horizon, both of them thinking of another world with two suns that they would never see again.

As the last rays disappeared Vala sighed "Turn it back on again, it's time to stop running." As she said the last part she gave the Doctor a hard look, he ignored her and brought his sonic screwdriver back out.

"Do you want me to wait with you?"

She shook her head. "No, off you go. Go get Donna and do something fantastic. I want to hear all about it the next time you're on Earth." The Doctor embraced her in a tight hug before retreating to the TARDIS and going to find his companion.

Vala lay back and listened as the TARDIS dematerialised.

She waited and watched the stars.

***

It was Teal'c that found her some time later. She hadn't moved from her position lying on her back and he stood over her, having to lean forward slightly to enter her field of vision.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, Vala was the first to crack.

"I've got to tell you muscles, this isn't a very attractive angle, I can see right up your nose."

"You must return to the SGC with me Vala Mal Doran." His voice was the same as ever and Vala couldn't tell what he was thinking.

She ignored his comment. "It's so peaceful out here, don't you think? No noise, no people, nothing." She paused for a moment "Are they terribly mad?"

Still standing over her Teal'c didn't bother to raise his eyebrow at her; she wouldn't be able to see. "I believe Daniel Jackson is the only person who is mad my friend. The rest are concerned for your safety and state of mind. It is most out of character for you to strike out physically at a team mate."

While Vala was a very physical person it was usually with words that she would strike out, especially at Daniel. She knew words could do more damage than physical action ever could.

Vala let out a long slow breath and stood up. "I don't want pity Teal'c; I've had enough of that to last a life time."

Teal'c nodded and began walking back to the main road. When they got there he indicated to the Airman in the jeep that he and Vala would walk back to base.

Teal'c was concerned for his friend and knew that the walk back to base would calm her down and allow her to talk out her feelings. He understood her perhaps better than anyone else at the SGC, it was why he had come to collect her on his own. The rest of SG1 would push her to talk about what had happened and he knew Vala would use that to her own advantage. She knew how to turn there well meaning attempts into an argument, how to get them angry at her, she had spent a good deal of her human life dealing with other people's anger and it didn't scare her anymore. She was far more afraid of someone seeing what she was truly feeling, of someone seeing the real Vala and not the act.

Teal'c knew if he simply allowed her to speak in her own time it would be much more effective. All he had to do was listen. It was the mistake that Daniel had made earlier, he had simply gone in and confronted Vala head on, forgetting how she would react.

They walked along the road sharing a comfortable silence, Teal'c knew it wouldn't last long; Vala never was one for keeping quiet for long. He was right.

"What difference should it make to them anyway, what I did before I got here is none of their business." She kicked a stone along the ground in front of her. "They've got no right to judge me; until they've lived that life they can't know what its like." Another kick to the stone "I never killed anyone who didn't try to kill me first; I didn't steal from people who didn't have anything." At his raised eye brow Vala amended. "Well apart from that once. I might have done some things that they would consider morally unsound but there are far worse people than me out there." A shudder ran through her at a memory Teal'c couldn't see. "But does that matter to him? No, of course not. I've spent so long trying to change for him, trying to be who he thought I could be, and I thought I had but sometimes it seems like it will never be enough. No matter what I do I'll never be good enough" Teal'c didn't comment on her change from talking about the team to talking about Daniel. "He was the first person to believe in me in so long, to tell me I could be something better." A sadness crept into her tone "I was a fool to believe him, stupid to think I could be anything more than I was. I'm just damaged goods, a broken half person."

It struck Teal'c how often she must have heard those words. How many people had told her she was never going to amount to anything, that she was somehow broken beyond repair? Too many, he surmised.

"I do not believe you to be damaged my friend, you often display courage and spirit that few others could match."

A gentle but sad smile crossed her lips "Thank you Teal'c, but the bad stuff is always easier to believe than the good." She curled her small arm around his huge bicep and leant her head against it. "I really thought I could make a new start now, I thought I belonged to something, all of me; past present and hopefully a future too." She gave him a bitter laugh. "No one wants someone like _me_ in their 'family', seems it's taken this lot longer to realise that than most. Stupid humans" The last part was muttered under her breath.

Teal'c stopped and turned to face her. They where almost at the front gate to the SGC and he wanted to reassure her before they went back in.

"It is an old Jaffa saying that 'our family has whole bits where we are broken and we have strong bits where they are weak.' Do you understand my _friend_." He added an extra emphasis on the friend part; it could never help to remind her again that that was what she was.

She nodded her head in response, showing him she understood, and the set off once again for the gate.

For the moment, at least, Teal'c was sure his job was done.


	4. Braking

AN: I know this is short but it finished where it did and there was no point forcing more into it. Probably not going to be anymore up till after the weekend.

Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think.

***

Daniel sat in his barley lit office, thinking about himself and Vala. It always shocked him how little he really knew of the woman he loved.

That had changed somewhat recently but there where still large parts of her past that Vala preferred not to talk about, to him at least. Daniel knew about her meditation sessions with Teal'c and that the two of them shared a special bond. It had never worried him until tonight, when the space between him and Vala seemed to be so vast he would never cross it.

He knew this was partly his fault, he hadn't listened to her properly and had let his anger take control but he knew that some responsibility also fell with Vala. He had often wondered what her life had been like before he met her, wondered what she had done and what she had witnessed, how had she survived and at what cost.

"_There's always a price to pay, and it's almost always something you thought you would never be able to give up" _

Her words rang in her head. When she had been trying to recover her memories she had told him that. He hadn't understood at the time what exactly she had given up, the price she had to pay. Now he was beginning to.

"_Traded for money what some had stolen for free."_

And there it was. The price she had paid.

She had told him tonight in that annoying way of hers where she admitted it in a round about way because she could never simply come out and say it. She had too much pride.

He sighed, realising that she had played him earlier on. Yes her anger had been real but she had purposely started the fight with him because it was easier to fight than to sit down and talk.

Daniel let out a humourless chuckle.

That was there problem all along though wasn't it? It was always easier for them to fight than talk; they had done it for years, neither properly listening to the other because they knew that the other wasn't really saying anything.

***

Vala ignored the looks she got when she walked down the corridor towards Daniels office. She was completely focused on finding Daniel and sorting this whole mess out, everything else could be dealt with after.

She found him sitting in his office with only the small table lamp on. He looked over to her standing in the doorway, Teal'c behind her. Vala turned to her friend and with a nod of the head silently told him it was ok to leave them. Teal'c nodded in response and left them too it. Vala didn't bother to turn on the light when she entered the room fully, closing the door behind her. Neither of them said anything as Vala hopped onto the work bench in the middle of the room.

With her arms resting on her thighs, hands clasped together and her head bowed forward Vala eventually spoke.

"We can't keep doing this Daniel." All the fight had gone out of her many hours ago, sitting by a pond with beside the Doctor, now her voice just sounded tired. When she finally looked up at Daniel he could see the real Vala, all her pain, all her emotions, all her years where right there in her eyes. "I can't keep having this same argument with you about my past."

Daniel finally got up and went over to her, placing his hand under her chin he tried to raise her head again but she shied away from him. Trying a different tact he knelt down in front of her putting himself in her eye line.

"I'm sorry, for earlier, I'm sorry. I just… I hate that you had to go through all that." He clasped his hands around hers. "I hate that there's this part of your life you hide from me, that you feel you have to hide from me." He felt her tears drop onto his hands. "I know my reaction today wasn't brilliant but…" He trailed off, unsure what to say next.

"It was my fault too." He could hear the tears. "I have to get used to the whole telling people things thing. It's hard Daniel, before I met you… it was so much easier to not tell anyone anything," She shook her head and let out an aggravated sigh. "I'm not explaining it right; I don't know how to make you understand."

Daniel watched as she shrank further into herself, pulling her hands out from under his.

"The big stuff… after a while it begins to not matter anymore. You build up a defence against it, it's almost like it's happening to someone else, you block it out and you carry on. I spent so long trying to survive that that's all it became, surviving not living, and then you… you came along and made me think I could maybe be something more." She thumped her fists onto his chest. "And I hate you for that sometimes Daniel, I hate you for it!" 

She continued to hit him in the chest and he simply let her. When she calmed down enough he picked her up in his arms and carried her over to his desk chair, sitting down with her curled in his lap. Daniel gently stroked her hair to calm her more and eventually lulled her to sleep.


	5. Healing

AN:I realised after I had put up the chapter with Sam and Vala that something was wrong. At one point I was ready to take this whole thing down and start again from scratch. Thanks to Acer and Hazmot I realised this was not quite necessary. Both of you are stars.

This is what was missing.

Let me know what you think.

***

Cam found them sleeping deeply in Daniels office chair the next morning; Daniel with his feet propped up on the desk and Vala curled up in his lap, both of Daniels arms where protectively holding her to him and Vala had her hands clenched around two handfuls of Daniels shirt.

Cam nodded to himself; at least one problem had been sorted out.

Everyone on the team had a different connection to Vala.

The relationship between her and Daniel was obvious to everyone from the get go, it was why Cam her called Vala his girlfriend when she was first at the SGC; he had seen the bond they shared and knew what it meant.

Vala and Sam had the whole sisterhood thing going on. On nights where they where both off duty you were bound to find them in Vala's quarters with a bottle of wine and a movie. The guys of SG1 where never allowed in during these nights but the amount of giggling coming from the room suggested that it was probably better that way.

Cam didn't know what went on between Teal'c and Vala on the nights when she would go to his quarters but he knew the Jaffa warrior had a great respect and affection for Vala. He let Vala get away with things that almost no other person could do and live to tell the tale. Cam was sure it was more than just the fact that the two of them where not from Earth but what ever it was Cam knew that when Vala had run out last night Teal'c was the best person to go and get her. He trusted Teal'c to bring her back safely.

To Cam himself Vala was the sister he never had growing up, wither it was older or younger depended on the way the wind was blowing. She irritated him to no end, teased him about his lack of love life, stuck up for him when base gossip was chewing him out, always had his back in a fight (she usually started them), and always knew exactly when to bring him a slice of cherry pie to cheer him up. The two of them had forged there own bond, one that rivalled the on that Teal'c, Sam and Daniel had developed before they had joined the team.

To think about what Vala had said the night before made his blood boil, he was still fighting the urge to ask Landry to dial the gate so as he could go and find the men that had treated her like this and teach them a lesson about how to treat a woman properly. Cam half suspected that the General would have to resist temptation himself to say no.

Cam knew that prostitution wasn't the same out there as it was on Earth. The stigma that existed around the subject here on Earth didn't exist on many planets out there in the galaxy. Out there it was simply a job that some woman did. He still couldn't help the small revolt his stomach made when he thought about Vala doing it though. After everything else she had been through she deserved better than that, she deserved to have a home and a family that cared for her.

When he came out of his thoughts he noticed that Vala was awake and looking at him.

"Cameron?" Her voice was husky from sleep and Cam had to smile at her, she was the only person that called him Cameron, the only person who was allowed to. "What time is it?"

"Still early Princess" He kept his voice to a whisper so as not to wake Daniel.

He watched as she gently unfolded herself from Daniels arms, making sure not to wake him, and then placed the blanket that had fallen off them during the night back over his legs. She stood for a moment as if unsure what to do next and Cam realised she wasn't sure how to act around him. Cam decided he was going to have to play big brother today and took the lead, simply opening his arms out to her. Neither of them said a word as she crossed the room to him and he enveloped her in a hug. If he held her tighter than he usually would or if she buried her head a little further into his chest than normal then no one would blame them, both of them needed the reassurance that the other was there and was ok. Cam rested his head on top of hers and they both just stood there for a moment.

"You're my sister, nothing changes that." He felt her tighten her grip around his waist ever so slightly. "Doesn't matter if you're a Time Lord or a Human, doesn't matter what you've done in the past or what you'll do in the future. None of it will ever matter, understand?"

"But what I did…" The words where muffled and spoken into his chest.

"You said it yourself; you did what you had to do. I might not agree with it but I can at least try and understand. My grandma always used to have a prayer: 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference between them.' I'm guessing this is one of those times I can't change things. None of it matters, not to me, not to Jackson, not to Teal'c or Sam or anyone else. Understand?"

When he felt her nod he let her go.

"Now wake up your boy toy woman, we've got food to be getting." He flashed a wicked grin at her and left the room. Teasing Vala about her age was never going to get old.

Vala walked over and crawled back onto Daniels lap. She watched him for a few minuets before prodding his nose to get him to wake. He didn't open his eyes, simply screwing his face up. Vala tried again and this time he opened his blue eyes and squinted at her.

"Time for breakfast darling."

He ignored her and, warping her back up in his arms, stated "Just 5 more minuets."

Vala smiled to herself and shut her eyes. When his 5 minuets where up she gave him 5 more.

***

When Vala and Daniel arrived in the mess hall 15 minuets later they found Teal'c and Cam sitting at a table in the corner instead of their usual one. When they went over to join them Teal'c got up from his place opposite Cam and moved to sit beside him ushering Vala into the corner with Daniel beside her. Vala smiled, she knew what they where doing. With the wall on two sides of her and the guys surrounding her there was no way for any other SGC personnel to come over to her; it seemed her boys where in protection mode this morning. Her smile dimmed slightly as she noticed that not all of her team where there.

She couldn't blame Sam for not wanting to see her. Vala knew that this whole issue would affect her differently. The guys could get angry and protective with out having to face any personal realities but for Sam it would cut much closer to the bone. Vala was pretty sure her friend had never suffered like that but the inevitable 'what if it happened to me' thoughts would no doubt be running through her mind.

The team sat and ate in a not so comfortable silence, all of them deep in there own thoughts. Eventually it was Vala who broke it.

"I'm sorry for running out like that, old habits and all that…" Under the table Daniel squeezed her hand.

"All that matters is that you came back Princess." Cam told her. Teal'c bowed his head in agreement.

Vala's statement seemed to clear the air and for the next 45 minuets they sat and talked almost as if the night's events hadn't happened.

Almost.

Every once in a while they would glance to the empty chair where Sam should have been sitting. By the time they had finished eating and talking Vala had made up her mind to go and talk to Sam alone. So as the guys left to go about their daily business Vala gathered up a try of food and made her way to Sam's lab.


	6. Deep

AN: sorry for the wait for this, real life got in the way and then I discovered Criminal Minds…

This is all from Sam's POV. Not sure if I like how this has come out, it went a bit wonky in the middle, let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Don't own any of it.

This WAS chapter 5 but it's now chapter 6, anyone looking for the new chapter go back to chapter 5, sorry for any confusion.

***

Sam sat in her lab trying to hide from the night's events.

She had thought that when Vala discovered her past as a Time Lady that all of the deception was over, apparently she was wrong. It seemed that they may never know all of Vala's history. Sam had the selfish thought that perhaps that would be better than knowing everything. Each time some new piece of information came to light about Vala Sam felt her heart break just a little more at the pain her friend had been through and she didn't know how much more she would be able to hear.

Her attempt to bury herself in her work wasn't working. Every time she pushed one thought out of her head another darker one would fill its place.

What could have driven Vala to do this? How bad would things have had to be before she had sold the only thing she had left; her body?

Sam shuddered at the thought of what Vala had had to do to survive and her stomach rolled at the thought that there could have been times when it was less than consensual.

There had only been one time when Sam thought being a woman had truly put her in more danger than the rest of the team. True there was always some added risk but the only time it had ever been explicit was on one of their first trips through the gate, when she had been captured by the Shavadai. If her team had not been there to save her Sam knew she would have received more than the beating she had taken. Anger rose in Sam as she remembered that for so long her friend had no one to come to her rescue.

Vala rarely talked about her time as a host, Sam could understand that, but she did talk about the time after it a lot. The way in which she did it though was such that you never quite knew whether to believe her or not, how much was true and how much was exaggerated beyond all recognition.

Sam remembered something that Vala had said to her months before as they where searching a temple for some texts.

"_Conceal nothing and people will hunt forever Samantha."_

Sam chuckled as she realised just how true this statement was to her friend. Vala never actually lied about her past; she just hid it behind a fine veil of humour and innuendo.

How many times over the years had they made a joke at Vala's expense? How many times had they taken a shot at her past without knowing the damage they where doing? Sam knew Vala wore her armour high and thick, she did the same, but she also knew it was the little hurts that stung the most, the ones that bled the most but never killed you.

Why had none of them looked closer?

At least Sam knew the answer to that one.

No one looked closer at Vala because she blinded you.

She was like a perfect diamond. She reflected the light and all you saw was the twinkle, the flash, the white light. You never saw the many colours that made it up. She seemed so simple and clear but you never saw the complexities she hid beneath. You admired the strength but forgot the conditions needed to create it.

No one looked closer at Vala because she didn't want them to; to see her for what she truly is scared Vala so much that she hid, even from her closest friends. It saddened Sam that even after 4 years together Vala still felt she had to hide from them, granted it had gotten better but there was still so much that Vala hid. Sam wondered how much longer her friend could do that for, how long it would be before she broke beneath the weight of her past actions.

But what if it had already happened?

She was so deep in thought that she didn't see the object of her thoughts enter into her lab and place a tray of breakfast in front of her. It was only when the smell of coffee permeated her senses that Sam broke out of her internal world.

"You didn't show up for breakfast." Vala gave a simple answer to a question Sam hadn't asked. Sam checked her watch, it was nearly 9am, and she had been sitting thinking all night.

Giving Vala a tight smile she began to tuck into her breakfast. They sat for some time in an uncomfortable silence neither of them knowing what to say. It reminded Sam of when they had first met and neither of them knew the other well enough to be able to start a conversation.

Sam didn't know what to say to Vala. After the thoughts that had been spinning in her head all night Sam didn't know how to approach the subject. Eventually the silence became too much.

"Did you work things out with Daniel? He was pretty angry earlier on."

Vala shrugged "It's not perfect, but it's getting there."

They lapsed back into silence. Sam watched the way Vala nervously fiddled with her hair and kept glancing behind her at the door. She wondered which part of Vala's fight or flight instinct would win out. It always was a perfect 50/50 chance with Vala, although sometimes she managed to combine the 2 of them, a rare talent Sam mused.

"Why…How…?" Sam trailed off unsure about what she actually wanted to say.

Vala seemed to understand what Sam was trying to ask. "I gave people what they wanted Sam, what they expected. It was just sex."

"Even when they raped you? Was it just sex then?"

The moment Sam said it she knew it was the wrong thing, she wanted nothing more than to take the words back, to grab them out the air and pretend she hadn't said them.

She could see Vala's carefully controlled exterior break like glass. But this was not the shattering of a dropped glass, an accident and a thousand tiny shards on the floor. This was the slow dropping of the glass blowers molten glass, stretched and strung and hardened past breaking, past pain, past everything, forever distorted.

"Raped?" Vala's voice was low and controlled "You don't know the meaning of the word Samantha. Rape is never about sex, it's about control. Someone is doing this to your body and you have no power to stop them. The first time you try and scream, try and fight back but you learn that no ones going to come and help you, you learn that if you don't fight back it'll be over quicker and you might just survive." She never moved her silver eyes from Sam's blue ones the whole time. "In the end you send your mind away to some other place, you pretend it isn't happening to you, you tell yourself over and over that it's just a body, just a thing. You pretend that you can't feel him pressing down on you, that the reason you can't breathe is something other than fear, that one day the smell will go away and you'll be able to wash every trace of them off your skin." Sam noted that Vala was unconsciously scratched at her arm. "It never dose; the smell and the feeling never go away." She turned towards the door and shook her head "You know nothing of that Samantha, and I pray you never will."

She left Sam alone in the dark of her office, her thought swirling round her head. Questions with out answers and answers she didn't know the question for.

Things might be getting better between Vala and Daniel but Sam was pretty sure she had just wrecked things between herself and Vala.


	7. Beginning Again

AN: Sorry for the lack of update over the past few days but I couldn't get logged in. This is the end for this fic but there will be an epilogue up later today.

Thanks to everyone that's reviewed and read this, if you did both even better.

Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: As a wise man once said "If wishes where horses we'd all be eating stake" but as well as that I would also own SG1.

***

Vala cursed herself as she walked out of Sam's lab. That was not the way things where meant to go. She headed to Daniels office purely on instinct, her mind going over all the things she should have said instead of chewing Sam out like that. She was several thousand years old; she hadn't counted exactly yet for fear of how high the number would be. She should know better.

The moment she entered Daniels lab he could tell there was something wrong.

"How did things go with Sam?" He asked gently.

"I did my usual and screwed it up!" She plonked herself down on one of the stools. "I bit her head off when I shouldn't have, and then got so annoyed at myself for doing it that I stormed off…again!" She buried her head in her hands and let out an aggravated sigh. "One of these days I'm going to learn that doing that solves nothing."

Daniel smiled to himself, while Vala's instinct to run may have decreased he doubted she would be able to over come it completely, it had been her way of life for too long. He walked over behind her and rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of the tension he knew was there. She surprised him by turning round in her seat and placing both her hands on either side of his face.

"You know when I run… I'll always come back to you my Daniel. You know that don't you?" her voice was barley above a whisper and the look in her eyes so desperate.

He leaned forward and placed his forehead against hers, looking straight into her eyes and trying to convey all the love he felt for this truly amazing woman. "I know, I'll always chase you when you run, I'll always be here for you to come back to. Always."

She didn't reply with words but leaned in the rest of the way and kissed him.

Daniel didn't think that kissing Vala would ever get old. Just when he thought that there was no way she could surprise him with a kiss she did just that. This was tender and chaste, yet none of their passion filled exchanges had ever conveyed so much emotion. This was more than a kiss this was a promise.

When Vala pulled back she once again rested her forehead against Daniels. They stood like that until there was a knock on the door.

***

Sam sat in her lab and watched Vala leave.

She was just about to leave when she heard the TARDIS materialise in the corner of her lab. The doctor opened the door for her and then walked back to the main console, clearly expecting her to follow. Sam quickly jotted down a note saying she was with the Doctor, she didn't know what he had planed but had heard several stories about his 'adventures' and wasn't going to risk trouble on the base if she was missing, then she followed him inside.

The TARDIS never ceased to amaze Sam, she bet she could spend the rest of her life trying to learn how it worked about wouldn't even have covered a tenth of it. She felt the ship hum, in what she supposed was a greeting, at her. The doctor motioned to the spot next to him on the captain's chair and Sam sat down beside him.

"Don't worry, we're not going anywhere." He gave her a roguish grin. "For one thing the doors still open and that tends to cause a draft in the Vortex."

"So why are you here then? If you're looking for Vala she's probably with Daniel." Sam couldn't work out what the Doctor would possibly be wanting with her.

"Nope" he said, popping the 'P' in his own characteristic way "I'm here to see, well talk, to you. Celesia… Vala" He stumbled over her name. "Told me to go do something fantastic and I think helping out around here might just qualify."

Sam sighed "I messed it all up, I know I shouldn't have asked her what I did but I couldn't help it, the words just came out and then I couldn't take them back, you know?"

He gave her a knowledgeable smile "A classic case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. This incarnation seems to suffer from a permanent case of it."

Sam gave him a weak smile at that, from what she had heard it was a pretty bad case of it.

"You know" he continued "When we were… younger… she had all these marbles, thousands of them, from all the different planets one of our cousins had gone to. She had never left our planet but even so she still had a curiosity that wouldn't be stopped, it's why she became a teacher I suppose." He paused and reached into his pocket and produced two large marbles. "Go find her, give her these." He handed them over. When Sam didn't immediately move he gave her a pointed look. "Go…" She got up and he called after her "And shut the door behind you!"

When Sam had closed the door and was safely back in her lab the TARDIS disappeared and she was left standing with the marbles still clutched in her hand.

Sam made a decision and set off to find Vala.

When she got to Daniels office she knocked on the door then entered.

***

Vala and Daniel looked over from there position at the work bench in the middle of the room.

"I'll leave you two to it." Daniel gave Vala another quick kiss and headed out the door, giving Sam a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as he passed.

"I'm sorry." They both said at once, and then smiled slightly at each other.

Sam crossed the room to stand next to her friend and they stood in silence for a moment; Vala fidgeting with her hair and Sam rolling the marbles around in her hands. When Vala noticed her friend had something in her hand she covered Sam's hands with her own and then opened them up. She let out an audible gasp at what she saw there.

"The Doctor came to see me; he gave me these to give to you." Sam explained. "What are they? Or should that be where?"

Vala picked the large red one out of her friend's hand. As she looked at it a smile came to her face but tears welled up in her eyes. Sam looked at the marble properly for the first time and she noticed that the cloud formations on it seemed to move and reveal different 'land' masses underneath.

"This is Gallifrey, it's is… was… my home." Vala swiped at the tears that had escaped her eyes "Theta must have made it for me, no where but the TARDIS has the technology to do this anymore" She ran a delicate finger over what looked like a city covered in some kind of glass dome. "It was an amazing place; there'll never be any where like it again." She tore her eyes from the painful reminder of what she had lost and wondered why the Doctor would give her such a gift.

Sam held the other one up for inspection and smiled when she realised what the Doctor had done.

"I think he's trying to tell you something." She stated as she handed over a perfect replica of the Earth.

Vala held a marble in each hand; they fit perfectly in her palms each being about the size of a golf ball. "Home." She said with a tone of finality in her voice. She simply gazed at them and Sam didn't think she was going to speak again so was surprised when she did.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you earlier Samantha. What I did… you should never be a part of that, never have to dirty yourself with it. You should never have to know the difference between sex and…rape." She turned and focused herself on Sam. "You're so young Samantha, so pure, I was… I guess I was angry that you would want to know about that."

Sam could hear the motherly tone in her voice. It wasn't often that she felt the age gap between herself and Vala but right now it seemed wider than ever. All Vala had been trying to do was protect her from a world she didn't know.

"I just wanted to understand. You drop this bomb on us and you run out then you act like you don't care… I just wanted to understand."

"I do care Samantha; I just forget that you haven't had the time to deal with it that I have. It's a time of my life that reminds me to fight just that little bit more for what I have, because it could all so easily be taken away again."

"But after Qetesh? After all that…" Sam still couldn't understand how after spending thousands of years as host to a sex goddess Vala could take this path, even with no other options.

Vala let out a long breath "The truth?" Sam nodded her head, afraid that if she spoke Vala would bolt. "Qetesh just made it that little bit easier." At Sam's shocked look she explained a little more. "My body wasn't my own for so long, it being used by others for their own pleasure was all I could remember, all I had ever known. When people treat you like an object for long enough you start to believe it yourself." Her sad smile melted into as cheeky grin and she held out her hand for the other woman to take. "Come on, lunch is waiting and I just might die if I don't eat soon."

Sam rolled her eyes, seems Vala had decided that the subject was closed for any more discussion today. She knew there would be other conversations and other times down the road when Vala would let her see a little more, let her understand a little more.

As they walked to the mess she thought on what the Doctor had said about Vala being a teacher, she had known before today about it but had never really taken the time to think about it. Now that she did though she wondered how it had never occurred to her before. Vala had a certain way in which she was able to shape peoples minds to a different way of thinking, a way of always making you ask that one question more, take a look from the other side of the line. The wealth of knowledge the woman had on just about every subject Sam could think of only reinforced this new thought.

They found the guys sitting once again at the table in the corner. Sam and Vala shared a look at that, the look that only woman can give that simply says: _'Men, they think there so smart don't they?'_ When they had gotten their lunch and went over to the table Vala was once again sequestered into the corner but this time Sam was sat beside her and Teal'c took the spot at the end of the table.

After a few false starts the conversation began to flow freely and Daniel realised that they had started the long road to healing. It wouldn't be easy and there would be plenty of hic-ups along the way but they would get there eventually. They had to; not only for the sake of the SGC or for Earth or even for the Galaxy but for Vala.

The blue Tiffany & Co box that was burning a hole in his desk drawer was a pretty good incentive too…


	8. Epilogue

Ok here's the epilogue. It gets a wee bit squeamish but nothing detailed or anything.

Want to say a big thanks to Acer, you're always giving me ideas and tips, it's much appreciated.

Disclaimer: you know the drill by now, there not mine.

***

**6 months later **

The team had split up to wonder through the alien market. Daniel was off looking through the stalls for anything that might be more than it seemed and for some books, Sam and Vala where chatting with the locals and trying to find out some more about the planet. Cam was also talking to the locals but of the female verity and Teal'c was keeping an eye on all of them, looking out for trouble.

Teal'c had been watching the man in the long black leather coat as he followed Sam through the market for the last 10 minuets. Teal'c knew that Sam, and Vala, often attracted male attention off world and could understand why, they where both beautiful women, but there was something that irked Teal'c about Sam's latest follower.

He closed the distance between himself and Sam as the man approached her and noted out of the corner of his eye that Vala had also been shadowing her friend.

"I'm kraken" The man introduced himself, his voice had a distinct drawl to it, and Sam couldn't help but think he would have fit in right at home in New Orleans.

Kraken held his hand out to Sam "I don't believe I've had the privilege to meet you before." The words might have sounded polite enough but the leer in his voice and the way he seemed to be drinking in the image of Sam was decidedly not.

It was at this moment that Vala made her presence known from the other side of a stall and on hearing Krakens words her hand shot out and grabbed Sam's arm, pulling it away from him and placed herself between him and Sam. Kraken looked at her and something seemed to blaze in his eyes.

"Vala Mal Doran, now I know I've definitely had this privilege before." His face twisted into a smirk as he addressed her.

"You wont be taking any _privileges_ where Col. Carter is concerned." Vala's voice was strong and defiant but Sam could feel how tight her grip was on her wrist and the slight tremor that ran through it. It began to dawn on Sam that the word 'privileges' seemed to have taken on a new meaning, she wasn't sure she wanted to know what it was but she had a pretty good idea.

"Now, now Vala we both know I never took nothing from you that you didn't offer up on a plate to plenty others sugar britches." He reached out and caressed her cheek and it took all of Vala's will power not to recoil at the action. Sam went to take a step forward but Vala increased the pressure on her wrist, silently telling her to stay behind her. "I'll be seein' you girls around." He ran his fingers down Vala's cheek once more and gave Sam a look that made her skin crawl before making his way back into the crowded market place.

"Vala? What was all that about?" Sam asked, it wasn't only the encounter that had unnerved her but Vala's reaction to it had as well. Vala still had a tight grip on Sam and her eyes where fixed on the retreating form of Kraken. It wasn't until he was completely out of sight that Vala turned round to face her and Sam was shocked at how pale her friend looked.

"It was nothing Samantha, just someone I used to… know. I think it's time we went and got the others. Come on, Daniels this way." Sam didn't ask how Vala knew; Vala always knew where Daniel was. Vala kept a tight hold on Sam all the way back to Daniel.

Teal'c had silently watched the whole exchange and knew exactly what had been meant and what the man had been planning for Sam. He followed Kraken out of the market place and radioed a short message to Cam once he saw him enter a tavern. When Cam arrived a few minutes later there was no words spoken between them as the entered and walked up behind Kraken.

The bar fell silent as the large Jaffa placed his hand on one of Krakens shoulders and Cam the other. Before Kraken could even form a sentence they had lifted him from his stool and where half way to the back door before he managed to recover from his shock and start protesting. Cam and Teal'c ignored him. So did the rest of the bar.

The ally they had dragged him into was blocked at one end, dark, dank, and smelt like ally's behind bars did no matter where you where in the galaxy.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He stared as Cam pulled out a knife and Teal'c seemed to produce an elastic band from one of his pockets.

"I'm Mr. Starsky and this…" Cam pointed to Teal'c behind him "Is Mr. Hutch and a little birdie told us that you had… how did you put it? Oh yeah, taken certain '_privileges_' that weren't yours with a very close friend of ours." Teal'c simply stood behind Cam the whole time not saying a word of moving a muscle; he was a pro at looking intimidating.

"What I don't know what you're talking about?" Kraken tried to scramble back into the wall of the ally as they moved closer to him.

"Does the name Vala Mal Doran ring any bells with you?" Cam took another step closer to him so he was now standing directly over him, Teal'c standing in his shadow.

"Vala?" His face seemed to be fighting between looking panicked and giving a suggestive leer. "Well come on man, it's not as if every other guy about didn't take his shot, the little whore had it coming…" They where the last words any of them spoke for almost 10 minuets.

Inside the bar people tried to ignore the very high pitched scream that came from the back and they collectively winced every time another impact of a fist hitting flesh was heard. The room once again descended into total silent as Teal'c and Cam re-entered and dropped Kraken back into his stool. The man slumped forward and made a gurgling noise as his head hit the bar in front of him. No one looked directly at them as they left.

When Sam, Daniel and Vala found them they where standing at a well washing the last traces of the fight off of their hands. Teal'c and Cam shared a look, the details of this afternoon would stay strictly between them, and the only person who would have to know it had happened was Vala.

"Where have you guys been we've been looking for you for nearly half an hour?" Daniel asked. He had been thrown into a slight panic by the state Vala was in by the time she and Sam had found him. She had been talking almost non stop for the better part of 20 minuets and Daniel knew it was because she was nervous about something. The fact that she had yet to release Sam's hand also told him that something was up.

"Sorry Jackson we got a bit lost amongst the masses out there. We ready to head back to the gate?" Cam tried to sound nonchalant but his statement didn't quite hit the mark. He got a funny look from Sam and Daniel.

"Yeah, sure Cam lets go." Daniel headed off in the direction of the gate with the rest of them following.

When they where about half way there Teal'c and Cam came up on either side of Vala and Sam and Teal'c gently pried Vala's hand off of Sam's wrist. Cam steered Sam off a little bit to the side and walked ahead while Teal'c stopped Vala from walking on by stepping in front of her and placing his hands on her shoulders.

It pained him slightly to see the thinly concealed look of fear in her eyes, the way she was constantly scanning the view on all sides of her and how her normally pale skin seemed almost translucent. He removed one hand from her shoulder and used it to guide her head so she was looking into his eyes.

"There is nothing to worry about now my friend. Kraken will no longer be able to… take 'privileges' that are not his." He raised an eyebrow at her and saw the relief flood through her as she understood his words.

"Thank you muscles." She replied softly stretching up on her tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"The honour was mine." He bowed his head at her and they continued to walk, hurrying to catch up with the rest of the team who were now nearing the gate.

***

The events that transpired in the ally that afternoon where never talked about by Cam or Teal'c again and Vala never asked them for details of what they had done.

Years later when they learned just what exactly Kraken had done to Vala Teal'c and Cam wished they hadn't let him back out of the ally.


End file.
